My glass is always full to overflowing. The glass won’t break when I drop it on the floor. Flip-flops completely protect the bottoms of your feet. The Emergency Room is never crowded. He will respect me in the morning. The pregnancy test will be negative. The pregnancy test will be positive. Now my boyfriend will ask me to marry him. The wedding is so well planned, it’ll go off without a hitch. The gifts can be returned without receipts. They’ll have it in my size. I’m a definite size 6. Size doesn’t matter. The check really is in the mail. And the mail only takes a day or two. The peach will be juicy. The corn will be sweet. The tomatoes will be perfectly ripe. When the home phone rings during dinner, it’s not a telemarketer. The car will make it through the snow. The lawn mower will start on the first try. The broken blender won’t spatter. The old washer will never leak. The air conditioning has to work. It’s brand new. We can fix this. We can figure this out. How hard can it be? Just tap it there. It’s just a little oil leak. Split seam. Red wine. Spilled milk. Baby puke. I know the diaper is just number one. The dog has a little diarrhea—he’s not really sick. We have five babysitters dogsitters aunts who live nearby—they can’t all be busy. Nothing will happen while we’re on vacation. Out for the night. Out in the backyard. We have an alarm system. We have home insurance. We have virus protection. You just have to have a positive attitude. I studied hard for this test. I know all the answers. They’ll offer me this job. I can feel it. I’m due for a raise. God answers prayers. God never gives you more than you can handle. Bigger breasts make your waist look smaller. Mascara makes your lashes longer. Foundation makes you look more natural. Middle age is when a woman comes into her own. Concealer hides puffy eyes. Lip liner keeps your lipstick from bleeding. Moisturizers make wrinkles disappear. Cellulite creams break up fat. Botox makes you look more relaxed. Everybody believes I’m a blonde. Everybody believes I’m 39. Another facelift and more collagen will make me look a whole lot younger. My husband will love it. My friends will love it. The kids will still look up to me when they’re older. People in my family live to a ripe, old age. Eating oranges inhibits free radicals. Plant estrogens prevent hot flashes. The “hobo steak” on the diner menu will be 2 inches thick and blood rare. The soup will arrive at my table at just the right temperature. It’s not a burn; it’s just a blister. Mayonnaise won’t spoil that quickly. The sushi is fine. The Virgin Mary makes regular appearances on tortillas, highway underpasses, and potato chips. Women’s Lib was a success. Superheroes are real. Aliens will come back to help us. Time travel is possible. Miracles happen every day. I will live forever. A smile can be your umbrella. And I am always right.