Backstop Insurance Group (BIG) goes where other insurers fear to tread. Do you own a water park? Worry that a mass electrocution from a stray Van der Graaf Generator LP could spell financial disaster? We’ve got you covered. Maybe you’ve searched everywhere for protection against marauding Napoleon lookalikes. Not a problem. We calculate the odds and give you fair, affordable rates. Now you can have peace of mind if a Mormon busts your mower or your pronunciation of Worcestershire triggers fits in a dinner guest. The world is full of surprises, and BIG can help you guard against them.

           Consider just a few possible scenarios:

• You’ve become subject to the Curse of the Mummy, or the Curse of the Werewolf, or the Curse of Frankenstein. Worse yet, you run the risk of catastrophic loss should two of the menaces meet in your rec room.

• An Ice Age microbe meant for a research lab gets delivered to your small business instead, where the surly mailroom clerk thaws it in the microwave, causing an airborne event. Your infected employees don’t care for their new faces and decide to sue.

• A blow to the head from a golf ball leads to selective memory loss. You recall your first name and height, but not last name and weight; your wife’s weight, but not her birthday; your children’s chores, but not their allowances. The following Monday you show up for work at a job you quit eight years ago.

• You may think it could never happen to you, but you’ll rest easier knowing you’re covered for bone-breaking picnics, traumatic encounters with sno-cone machines, RVs wedged in slot canyons, and phrasing errors that lead to hostage situations.

• You’ll thank your lucky stars you’re warranted against black holes smaller than a breadbox, time anomalies larger than a breadbox, stray satellite fragments just about the size of a breadbox, and breadboxes as large as VW vans.

            Our BIG umbrella policy covers all these mishaps and more for rates starting at mere dollars a day. Policyholders also receive a free subscription to BIG Ideas, packed with safety tips for heading off trouble. For instance, you may have heard that no snake will bite if you rub a little mayonnaise on its nose. Don’t you believe it. Snakes hate the smell and will strike with doubled fury if provoked with it. Mayonnaise only works as a deterrent if you slather yourself with it.

            So act today and step up to the plate, knowing whatever life throws at you, Backstop has your back.